Chasing the Oracle

There isn't a single Indian TV news channel that hasn't featured Paul the celebrity octopus. After successfully forecasting the results of FIFA World Cup matches, this eight-legged marine creature has proved his clairvoyance. Well, that's at least the case with an energetic game played by the two-legged race, a sport that has become a passion in several countries but is yet to capture the hearts and minds of our young Indians. There's however, been recent news of threats from German fans to serve Paul up as soup or on seafood platters. But he and his handful of Indian fans seem far from appalled, now that the German authorities have vowed to protect him. Not without reason.

The Germans looked upon by the entire Euro-zone to pull it out of economic toxicity, have finally found Paul to lend a helping hand. For, if not European youth in search of employment. Paul certainly had many job offers - most of them from India, the only place that has plenty of jobs today!

So, will Paul prevent the polarization of countries of the Euro alliance by accepting the offer from our TV business channels to predict the outcome of our stock markets - for which he would have to study some other what longish sideways movement of the bourses, analysts are divided over which way the stock market will go. They would welcome Paul's help in figuring out the way ahead. After all, despite several heads pooled together on the issue, there's no consensus on this subject. One can't help but think more legs may work better than more heads. Paul could aid the experts in overcoming their 'predicament' - the predicament of being unable to predict the future.

But once Paul lands on the shores of our great country, regional politicians will be quick to make angry statements about soothsaying 'outsiders' and root for our traditional parrots. After all, there is many a bird in India competing with Mani, the fortune telling parakeet who happens to be an astrologer's assistant in Singapore's Little India. Our desi parakeets are waiting to make a complete poppet out of Paul the octopus, despite him having got it right with every football match outcome. Only, most of us are likely to think of homegrown psychics as ghar ka tota dal barabar. Which means Paul will get more offers, especially from 'charitable' and flush-with funds cricketing bodies, to predict the results of IPL matches. Why, he may even have to pick out the man of the match. Be prepared for lots of legwork, Paul!

Bollywood will then jump into the fray. It'll want to cast Paul in a lead role with female octopus chosen from a reality TV show to partner him. So if he's worried that all this television coverage will only give him temporary fame, he'll be underestimating the power of publicity on our national channels. Indeed, he'll have an opportunity to dance with his costar around plastic trees even while a villain forces him to turn his predictions into chores at gunpoint. But what the heck - think of the moolah the industry will offer!

Psephologists will not be far behind. At the cost of being renamed pse-Paul-logists, they too will extend an invitation to the eight legged - or is it eight-handed? -Creature. This time around, Paul will need to familiarize himself with a dozen national and scores of regional political parties in order to choose winners! That is, if he wants to be here and do something more than just drift listlessly like our bourses. Get the drift? But there's a catch. Paul may survive the threats of being turned into soups or seafood platters. But chances are he may not survive our media trails if ever allegations are made about a 'foreigner' coming to our shores and playing Paulitics! So good luck Paul, you might just need it.