A Delicate Matter

A few months back a reporter of a Karachi-based local eveninger narrated a funny incident to me. An Urdu teacher in Lahore divorced his young wife when she inadvertently called him "tum" (the familiar form of addressing someone) instead of "aap" (the more formal form)! This is something uncommon in this linguistically indifferent era. But Urdu literature and culture is full of such amusing anecdotes and idiosyncrasies. Josh Malihabadi, the great Urdu poet, who migrated to Pakistan after independence, took umbrage when the Nawab of Hyderabad used "tum" for him. Ghalib wrote "Teri mehfil mein aakar bade beaabroo hue/ Aap se tum aur tum se tu hue" (I humiliated myself in your company/ From aap, I became tum and finallyu tu). Ghalib himself frowned upon the more familiar forms of address and likened them to abuse. It's  said that the main reason for Ghalib's growing disillusionment with his favorite city, Delhi, was the fast intrusion of these modes of address in the Urdu based local lingo of the 19th century city. Ghalib's coeval Daagh Dehlavi was so worried about this undesirable invasion of common language that he almost stopped talking to strangers, lest they address him in a familiar fashion! Abuse me, but don't say tum to me."

There's a famous and oft-quoted anecdote in Urdu literature. The great Urdu poet Mir Taqi Mir was once returning from Delhi to Lucknow. One gentleman from Delhi offered to give him a lift in his horse carriage. That man incessantly kept talking during the journey from Delhi to Lucknow. Mir remained silent. When he reached Lucknow, he profusely thanked that man for giving him a lift and gifted whatever money he had. That man asked him, "Mir Saheb, why didn't you utter a single word during the whole journey?" Because I didn't want to spoil my language by replying to your questions couched in an inferior tongue, "calmly replied Mir Taqi Mir. The late Urdu poet and judge, justice Anand Narayan Mulla, wrote of the legendary Urdu poet Firaq Gorakhpuri who never ever used 'tum' even for his pet dog. Once Mulla went to meet Firaq at his home. Firaq himself opened the door, then saw his dog sleeping on the sofa and mildly scolded it, "Mehmaan tashreeflaya hain aur aap so rahe hain? Jaiya andar jaakar letiye!" (the guest has arrived and you're still sleeping? Go inside and sleep!). Firaq's dog calmly woke up and went inside. Mulla wrote later that he was flabbergasted to see a man like Firaq talk to his dog in such a gentle manner. Moreover, his dog also understood the refined language of his master. Firaq once said proudly, "My dog starts barking the moment he hears tum and he faints if someone calls him tu!

"Tum" or "tu" may be words of endearment for many, but some, still steeped in that pristine culture, find them to be derogatory. Subcontinental Urdu directly originated from Mughal Persian, which was devoid of 'aap'or 'tum'. It's worthwhile to mention that Persian has just 'shuma' (aap) in its vocabulary. It was Arabic, a language rich in expletives as well, that influenced Persian, and today one cn find abuses as well as 'tum' and 'tu' in modern Persian.

But in our linguistically loose times, this is a rarity. Conversations start with tu and end with fighting. So in this rather uncouth era, Lahore's Urdu teacher's stress on polished language is heart-warming and reassuring, but at the same time, isn't divorce too harsh a punishment for a simple bride, who may have said "tum" to show love towards her husband? It's worth remembering that in Urdu culture, Allah is always addressed as 'tu'. And the rationale is, there's no formality between Allah and his worshipper.